A Stream of Consciousness

Today, I’ve decided to simply write what’s on my mind. It’s inspired a little bit by the morning pages practice you might see in “The Artist’s Way”.

I was talking to Kira, my girlfriend earlier today, and I told her a story from back when I was a kid. She asked how old I was and I couldn’t really recall. But I figured it would be nice to imagine what 10 year old me was thinking and what he dreamt off.

At 10, I remember I wanted to be a scientist. I was obsessed with space and astronomy. I just kept watching documentaries that spoke about space, the moons of Saturn and Jupiter, and the possibility of life in the deep oceans of Europa.

My definition of science was warped by cartoons, war, and documentaries. What a beautiful hot pot.

One of my favorite cartoons was Dexter’s Laboratory. I wanted to have a lab and I wanted to play with chemicals. I would ask older kids on the bus about their chemistry classes because in my mind, a chemistry class was people doing cool experiments and being Dexter. I would be shocked when they would complain about it and say they don’t enjoy it. How could you not enjoy mixing chemicals and making crazy concoctions! I was simply an oblivious child, but how beautiful it was.

War had shaped me a lot. It started with fear. Jets would pass over our heads regularly, usually on a daily basis. They would penetrate the sound barrier and make the ground shake. Every now and then they would bomb. Yet, for the most part, I was fascinated by the enemy and their big machines. I was fascinated by planes and played a ton of Flight Simulator. I remember saving up so much because you had to buy it on 12 CDs!

I was also fascinated by our resistance fighters, their extreme ability to work in secrecy. How are a bunch of simple men from South Lebanon standing up to F-16s, tanks, and satellites?

I also read a lot of newspapers for a 10 year old. Every morning, the paper would be delivered to our neighbor under the building in the early a.m. I would run down the 9 stories of our building and read the newspaper cover to cover. Every. Single. Day. The fact that that building and home is now mere rubble and destroyed by the same jets I was fascinated by is an odd feeling at the very least.

When you’re a kid you think you can do anything. When you’re an adult you realize the world owes you nothing, and that the only way you can make your inner child’s dreams come true is to strive towards what you want in this world.

Being in Vietnam working away on my international startup while being surrounded by incredibly accomplished and kind people was something my 10 year old self did not even think about. I thought I’d be flying a plane or a rocketship or researching cool gadgets in a lab. I thought the world was vast, beautiful, and exciting. In many ways it turned out to be, but not in the ways I thought it would be.